My Barack Obama ‘08 car magnet was stolen straight off my car last week. Who does that? Well…

I remember the day it was stolen, I looked at a car parked across the street and thought “hey, he’s got the same magnet as me! cool!” I got home to realize it was missing. Didn’t see the car again, figured it was gone forever…

Until I saw it last night and swiped that shit back. I’m gangsta like that. Eat it, white SUV!

I am very worried about my good friend Dan H. Let me explain:

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog shot a skit involving Mr. Met at the final Presidential debate Wednesday; Fox News caught shocking footage of the mascot being decapitated. The following video is all over the net.

Now, this isn’t why I am writing today. I plead you to help find a cure for Dan, who is clearly losing his grip on reality after the Mets’ traumatic collapse in the final days of the 2008 season…

[1:09 PM] dan@pooptalkblog.com: did you see mr met on fox news
[1:10 PM] Wsouloa: yes
[1:10 PM] Wsouloa: wasn’t really him though
[1:10 PM] Wsouloa: some guy in a costume

Below is a photo-realistic recreation of events witnessed on Friday night in Greenwich Village. Man, why can’t I find such a classy broad?

One of the unforeseen benefits of starting a blog called Poop Talk is learning about the delightful Randy Randoms who Google the weirdest things and inadvertently find their way here. See, the blog has “poop” in the title, and there may be a story about how I caught a “ball” at the baseball game last night, or what I “ate” for dinner…so…you see where I’m going with this.

I receive traffic reports, so I see what search results lead to a hit on this site. Most of the time it’s what you’d expect, like “Batman” “Star Wars” “Yankees”, etc. But the reports also include such “greatest shits” as:

- “what to do when you get poop in your eye”
- “pictures of hot tubs filled with poop”
- And today’s new gross-out, “poop in vagina”

There’s about a dozen more, but they are too indecent for even me to post.

That’s right, Mr. Poop-In-The-Eye, I’m on to you. Seriously, just wash it out with Lysol. That’ll fix it.

Shout outs to Bill Shouldis and Pete Landt, who convinced me to share these facts with the world.

UPDATE 7/30:
“picture of poop on a plate” - what is wrong with people?

UPDATE 9/22:
“why hot tubs can make you poop”

Don’t worry, no spoilers. I’ll keep it to initial thoughts since that’s all I can muster right now. The Dark Knight , of course, lives up to the hype. Heath Ledger even more so. I am now totally at peace with the (previously partially unsubstantiated) rally calls for a posthumous Oscar nod.

I can’t really formulate a full critique at this time, because I couldn’t completely soak in its countless thematic elements and nuances. You never can with any film on a first viewing, much less one with a plot as involved as TDK.

Analyzing a film beyond the plot is impossible in a theater full of jackasses in clown makeup trying to do the Joker laugh every time Heath Ledger hits the screen. Just about every moment of comic relief and every clever nuance of Heath’s performance (the key to it is his countless brilliant subtleties) was ruined by the guy next to me with the lopsided Transformers tattoo quoting back lines from the Joker’s previous scene. And he’d do it a split second before the punchline.

We’re talking about the crossroad where quality art hits a saturation point that will make you hate it. We’re talking a level of destruction unseen seen since Dave Chappelle. Come next week, people will be “why so serious”-ing in your face at every turn. I saw it starting mid-premiere.

What could I expect? It’s a midnight showing of a geek franchise film. Of course I would be in a theater with overexcited fanboys - hell, I’m one of them. But holy shit people, get a life. This was worse than any midnight showing I’ve ever been to. Star Wars, Spider-man, you name it.

The good news is that this is a film that needs to be seen at least two or three times before you truly understand everything Chris Nolan is saying. The element of chaos brought by the Joker is perfectly conveyed in the film - you have absolutely no idea what will happen next, and you’ll make yourself dizzy trying to think ahead. The film is complex and done with an artistic integrity unmatched in the genre. I don’t need to tell you to see it, because you will anyway. Just, for the sake of the audience, don’t start clapping every single time Heath Ledger darts a sinister look.

Leading up to last night, I wasn’t nearly as excited about attending the 2008 Home Run Derby as I would have been had Yankee Stadium hosted the event in the late 1990s, when names like McGwire, Griffey Jr., Bonds, Bagwell and Walker were mainstays. Guys that could hit BOMBS and have a chance of taking one over the awning in center field.

With three-fourths of the participants this year being first-time competitors, and also for the most part line drive-type hitters, I didn’t expect to see any spectacular moon shots.

Then Josh Hamilton put together a one man show…

Photos from the spectacle are up on Flickr.

I just noticed that “Amish” is an option when setting your Religious View on Facebook. Um…

- It is entirely possible for two real life people, not just movie characters, to have a conversation that includes the sentence “You’re so fucking money right now, you could go home with Jessica Alba.”

- I should start a cover band to play weekly in Hoboken. Please apply below if you are interested. Requirements include being familiar with the work of Trapt and Sum-41. On a related note, Rage Against the Machine songs can be reworked with a PacSun twist!

- Karma must be working in my favor these days, because we found a parking spot across the street from the bar and through some slip-up, my all-night drinking tab added up to $6.

I guess I really don’t need a BlackBerry! Here’s another productivity tip for the smartphone-less: did you know you can text message GOOGL (46645) for just about any piece of information?

Need to find the nearest pizza shop? Text message “pizza near 138 Ludlow St. New York, NY” and you’ll get the address and number to Ray’s, along with instructions on how to get directions.

Sports scores? Texting “New York Yankees” will hit you back with tonight’s score along with the previous and next game.

You can get information you never thought would be available. Weather, currency conversion, flight delays, dictionary entries… it’s awesome. Head over to Google to find out all of the SMS commands available.